Reflection

2019 was… long.

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It was in many ways both a terrible year and a wonderful year – but one thing stayed the same: for every beat of my heart, for every breath in my lungs, God’s grace was there to carry all of us through.

January-May, I’ll be honest, totally sucked. It was a long, long five months of being so deeply buried under all kinds of work and personal issues that I didn’t get to spend any time at all with my horses. In the beloved’s words, “Firns need horsies and sunlight to thrive”, so I just wasn’t happy. I had just started working at the Arab stud, though, and I rode there every day as well as riding Tilly, so at least I stayed moderately fit and still learned something.

I showed Faith at HOY 2019, where she was really good right up until the part where she bucked me off in the working riding. After that I took the longest break from competing personally that I’ve ever taken. Thunder pretty much hung out in a field for nearly five months. I did the logical thing when one has no time to ride and bought a new horse, too – Lancelot.

In April, the Arabs had their auction. It was really awesome to be a part of that, and it was a great learning curve to be behind the scenes at an event of that magnitude. I rode Lancelot at the auction (as he’s the only progeny of Silvern Lance under saddle in the area) and he blew me away with how chill he was. We even jumped a few fences and he was perfect.

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face clipped Lancey pie

May saw everything change for the better. I sorted out my finances, hired an instructor to teach the beginners at my yard for me, and finally had my schedule open enough that I could work on my own horses again. I left Faith for the end of the year, since she was still growing up anyway, and put Lancelot and Thunder into work.

June, July and August saw me taking more lessons and getting the two guys fitter. Thunder was muscular but ridiculously chunky and unfit; the more inherently athletic Lancelot could go on forever but needed a ton of muscle tone. In fact, I did little other than rebuild fitness and muscle tone for most of the last half of 2019. I showed Tilly several times in both dressage and jumping, but Lancelot and Thunder stayed home except for lessons until October, when I showed Thunder at elementary. He was wonderfully relaxed; so was I.

Arwen, who had been in work with a child all year, went to Standerton Show in September with me and absolutely cleaned up. She won every class she walked into bar the working riding championship, where she was reserve. It was one of my best rides ever on her and I loved it.

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In December, I held the biggest pony camp at my yard yet, which was a resounding success. I had worked really hard throughout the year to stabilise the yard as a business, and it’s been turning a little profit ever since, enough to support my own horses. We also ran a really fun and wonderful Christmas show, which I desperately enjoyed.

Overall, when it came to achievements this year, I kind of felt like I’d really underperformed. Looking back, though, I learned a lot and we did well when we did compete. Just turning the yard around financially was a feat in itself and something that might not have earned any ribbons or show photos on Facebook, but will certainly help to support my riding going forward.

In my heart, though, God accomplished so much in the space of twelve short months, especially when it comes to riding. In March/April, I was the closest I had ever been to giving up on my competitive riding career. I never stopped loving horses, but the overwhelming time and expense required just made me feel like it was never going to work out. I had to find a way to be okay with that. I had to figure out where riding fits in my life when it is not the only thing in my life. As a teenager, horses were my entire life – even though I would never have admitted it, they were my identity. There was nothing else out there for me. I lived for it, and it wasn’t healthy. It became an idol, as surely as a golden calf, and the Lord was good to me in making it seem like it was being taken away.

Because I found out that life is so much more than riding and I am so much more than a teenager who rides. I am a child of God, and there’s more to me than just one thing. My success or failure in the saddle no longer defines my worth as a human being. And once I’d learned that lesson, Abba Father was gracious in giving me back my riding, and for the first time since I was a kid I genuinely love it again. I’ve always been committed to it; I’ve always been devoted to it. I’ve always loved horses. But the feeling of sitting on a horse and letting it dance – it was always worship, but now it is joyous worship. It doesn’t just teach me and connect me to my God in ways that nothing else can. It brings me joy, a pure, radical, heavenly joy, one that comes straight from the Hand of the King.

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2019 was hard, but it was good to me because God used it. And now I’ve never been happier in my life, nor more determined to take on the challenge of my great equestrian dream. I might achieve it. I might not. It’s in the arms of the Lord, but I know that He has a purpose for me in the trying, and I know that every breath is joy and love and grace to me.

I deserve to die for my sins, but not only did He give me life and Himself, He gave me horses and a beautiful view and a career that I love and a tiny house on a horse farm and a man who loves me like breath – and I am so, so happy. Genuinely, ridiculously happy, thanks only to one thing: the love of the King.

Forever and ever, glory to that King!

September

So I neglected the blog badly for the last few weeks, thanks to all sorts of adulting drama (cars break down? what sorcery is this?) but at least the horses didn’t get neglected too. So this is going to be something of a photo dump.

I do have an Instagram handle that I use daily now, though, so for lots of quick updates y’all are welcome to give me a follow @ridingonwater!

Thunder and I went to a lesson, where we got our butts kicked, and to a show, which was more of the same. Both, however, were positive experiences. J was pretty thrilled with his walk and trot work. We had solidified the renvers and travers to the point where we could apply the concepts to other things. Most notably, J wanted me to use renvers and travers aids to straighten him in canter, to help shorten him into collected canter. Having experienced a real collected canter on Christopher for the first time, I now know what to feel for, and we have gotten a few steps here and there.

The renvers/travers thing is not the problem with the canter. The problem is that he is SO behind my leg. It’s a little weird because he’s a lot more forward at home, but I think it’s because I’m confident enough to get after him about it at home. The key is to insist he gets off my leg in the walk work – sorting it out in canter just doesn’t work. At shows and lessons I’m kind of just trying to survive so the walk doesn’t get sorted (since it’s not actually bad in itself) and then the canter is all icky.

Still, we rode and survived E5 and 6 in the end of September at a show, and even though I made a TON of mistakes (silly ones like making the turn on the haunches too big, and major ones like clamping up in the canter work and making him tight and irritated), we still got 59 and 60. Three years ago on Arwen it would have taken a good day to get those marks, so it still feels good that Thunder and I got them when I was being a doofus.

I was being a doofus for a reason, though, and that was because I was SO freaked out about riding my first Elementary 6 that I had to concentrate really hard just on relaxing and reminding myself to keep my eyes on Jesus and not melt down about something as silly as a dressage test. I actually did stay focused on the important things, so I still count it as being a great experience.

As for Thunder, he was AMAZING. He has gotten ridiculously relaxed about being at shows – alone, with friends, whatever. The screaming baby I had a couple years ago has grown up into that horse that I never had: the lop-eared, dopey one who doesn’t really care about a thing. And I totally dig it.

The first two babies are on the ground at the Arab stud, and I love playing with foals 💙 I’m also spending a fair amount of time on the yearling colt, who is probably going to stay entire, in a bid to keep him manageable. He’s not a bad guy, but he’s reached the age where he really wants to play with me, and I have to show him that he really can’t play with me like he would with his peers bc I will literally die.

Gatsby has grown a TON of muscle tone in the last two months. I’ve been running after the foals a lot lately so we haven’t schooled as much as usual, but I do a lot of lungeing. His brain is a little ahead of his body right now – his canter needs a lot of strengthening and balancing on the lunge. In his brain he knows all the Novice work, but his body isn’t quite strong enough for it yet.

I found a smallish kid to ride Arwen at HOY for me. All the Arab foals have given me an itch to put her in foal, and the time is definitely getting here to do that. I think the breed can benefit from at least a few foals from her, and I’d love one to keep if God wills. She’ll be 14 next year so it could be ideal to put her in foal for a 2021 baby, born when she’s 15. I’ll just have to see if I can find buyers for pure Nooitie foals before I consider breeding her. First, though, we have to make another shot at the HOY Supremes 2020 – we’ve come so close so many times. This beautiful horse doesn’t owe me a thing, but it would still be cool just to be there.

Skye is another horse who doesn’t owe me a thing. I keep waiting for her to start getting old, but praise God, she’s come through this winter as healthy as ever. I did support her with some senior feed this year for the first time, and she’s looking just great. She’s even trotting mostly sound in the field although that arthritic old right knee has lost a little more mobility. L, who is a darling, kneels down to clean the foot so that the old girl doesn’t have to struggle.

feral I tell you

Faith is turning 5 on the first of November. She’s been mostly off since HOY in the end of February, knowing everything that a four-year-old horse really needs to know, but I brought her back into work last week. She started out a bit feral but settled well, and I’m really happy with how much she’s grown and developed in her time off. She’s become quite a big mare for a Nooitie; I haven’t measured her but I’d estimate her at least 15.1 as she’s much bigger than Arwen. That size of mare is hard to find and quite in demand in the breed. This will be the year when we start to figure out the plans for her future. I don’t think she’s going to be the same quality of dressage prospect that Lancelot is, but she’ll certainly show (especially in the Nooitie ring). We’ll also need another all-rounder that everybody can ride and compete once Arwen goes to stud, although we’ll have to keep the dragon in work as well or she’ll be obese.

Faith finally looks a little more like a horse. She’s standing on a downhill here but has matured more or less level, no more croup high than Arwen is. Some muscle tone will go a long way towards making the loin look better too. And those dapples are just too much.

Poor Lancelot has been a bit neglected, but nonetheless he feels a lot better under saddle. He has such a pleasant temperament – I can hop on him after two weeks with just intermittent lunging and he’ll still be good old Lancey remembering exactly what he learned last time. I really do love riding him, he is very different to Thunder in his sensitivity and movement, but very similar in his chill nature. I’m actually really glad I have Faith to ride or I’d forget how to be tactful. The two geldings are so quiet, and Faith is a willing and easy enough horse, but she has got quite the opinion sometimes.

I have finally sorted out my writing schedule to the point where it’s mostly under control. If everything goes according to plan, and with L’s help, I can keep Thunder, Lancelot and Faith in work as well as getting to the handful of lessons I still teach and working the Arabs and Tilly. But I’m not sure yet how it’s going to work in practice. We will have to see. Darling is also back for the summer soon so I’ll have to rediscover this “personal life” thing that people keep talking about. It’s going to be a juggling act and we may have to make a few more tweaks before it’s figured out.

God’s plan is so good, though, and I have learned and grown so much in my faith this winter. Mostly I’ve started to explore the concept of the freedom we really have in Him. I have been guilty of legalism, of feeling chained by His commandments and not understanding the nature of sanctification. There’s liberty in obedience, and I’m not sure how yet, but by His love and grace He’ll lead me further up and further in.

Glory to the King.

Two Lessons

Two lessons in a single week again? What sorcery is this?

No sorcery here – just too many blessings even to count. After spending a magical week with the darling at the fire base where he works, I was admittedly reluctant to come back to our home, but I know it won’t be long before he’s with me again too. And until he does get back, I know just how to keep myself occupied.

it’s only 3 hours away but it feels like Narnia

Lancelot and I were going to do an express eventing show this coming weekend, but I ended up not having space in the box. This turned out not to be a bad thing, because – with the best of intentions of keeping him from getting sweaty and miserable in his increased work – I clipped the little guy. (He behaved impeccably; he was fast asleep by the end, although he did pull away when I started tidying up around his head, so I left that for next year’s conversation).

he has no muscles so let’s call this the before picture

All fine and well; he slept in the field bundled up in a blanky. Unfortunately the winter elected that specific night for the coldest of the year, and evidently I hadn’t blanketed him thickly enough, because he got cold and was then really sore and stiff in his hind end. Sound again now, but he was not very happy. Of course, I put him straight into a nice warm stable.

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I did have a lesson booked with K, though, so instead of skipping it we took the dragon out on xc for the first time in years. In fact, I haven’t even been on the dragon for months, but her kid has been riding her so I just borrowed her back for a few hours.

sooooo grey!

Of course, she was picture perfect. I had a lot of little glitches to fix in the warmup – which was a bit sad, but you know, kids – and she refused the first couple of jumps. Once she did jump them, though, a little switch flicked in her head. She realized that it was me on her back and that full dragon mode was absolutely allowed. So full dragon mode we went.

let us appreciate how small I look on her 14.3 hands

She jumped really great, her typical wild self, once she realized that I wasn’t going to let her stop. In fact, by the time we jumped a course at the end, she was actually running away and bucking quite a lot lol. I had forgotten how hot the fire in her belly burns. I am absolutely going to be stealing her back more frequently from now on!

I don’t think anyone will ever beat my dragon, just the way no one ever beat old Skye. She’s in a league of her own. Right now, the plan is for her to compete with a kid for two more years and then to breed a foal from her. She is from a rare breed that could really benefit from her bloodline, plus I think I really need a half-Friesian half-dragon to be my next young horse.

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Speaking of half-Friesians, this one had a lesson booked with J for this morning – 6:30 this morning, to be precise. That meant that at 4:30 I was getting him ready to box. He was not amused with being woken at that kind of an hour.

“Mom, you’re out of your cotton-picking mind”

Nevertheless, he obliged, although when we got to J’s farm we were both still somewhat bleary-eyed. Still, we missed all the traffic, so that was a win. Despite having agreed to this madness, J was NOT amused at all with having to stand in the cold arena at that time of morning (it was 4°C when we arrived) and called me a name I won’t share on the blog.

It was absolutely worth it, though, to go out onto the freshly raked river sand. And when the sun just rose and painted everything in pale gold, it was magic.

J’s doggo is almost as big as my horsie

After bemoaning my terrible choice of entering Novice at the last show, J proceeded to put us through basically all of the Elementary movements to prove that we can.

And actually it was all fine. Canter left needs a lot more impulsion, but the changes were fine, and J even said “good” once or twice so that’s a plus. Thunder was also SUPREMELY well behaved throughout – he was relaxed, focused, and just a real pleasure to work with. He did spook at a few things but that only made J laugh at us.

Just when my abs (and his butt) were dying, though, J made us go to sitting trot and do all of the lateral things. Of course, I was in trouble for not using my outside rein enough (a running theme). I have been given strict instructions to do nothing but endless renvers until I finally fix it.

J also said I could bring two horsies next time so if baby Arab’s buttocks are less tender in two weeks’ time, he’ll go too.

Honestly, I’m totally blown away by the place I’m in right now. I really, really, really miss darling, but I know he has to go work so that we can save for our wedding together. Horse-wise, though, it’s just incredible. I can’t believe the horse, the support network, the instruction, just all of it. It feels straight from a fairytale. It feels amazing.

It feels like a love letter signed by the King. And I’ll read it over and over, until the corners curl up and the very ink fades, until there is no more use for letters, until I see His face.

Till then, we will be dancing.

Glory to the King.