We leave for Pre-HOY tomorrow and I’m terrified, for the dumbest reason.
I’m not worried about boxing nine horses there and back – I trust the drivers. I’m not worried about the horses – they know their jobs. I’m not worried about the kids – they’ve worked hard. I’m not even that worried that Exavior will knock my brains out (OK, so I’m a bit worried about that, not gonna lie).
I’m so worried about what they will think when Exavior loses his brain and pulls away from me and kicks the judge or something. She can’t handle him. She’s no horsewoman.
Or what about when somebody notices how scuffed my saddle is, or how the girth really doesn’t match either the saddle or the horse? What does she know? She’s such a newbie.
Or when everything dissolves into chaos and I arrive in my class with my collar sticking up and Midas galloping about with his nose sky high? She’s not good enough to be a trainer!
And you know, all of the above could quite probably be true. It could be impostor syndrome or it could be sense or whatever because right now I don’t really care. Because I don’t know what they think or how it’s gonna go on Saturday or whether or not I’m coming home with my brains in my head (although that would be nice).
God made me yard manager. He wants me where I am. I gave my life to Him and this is where He’s put me so by His power in me I’m gonna get this done.
I’m nineteen years old. I’m showing horses I produced, and kids I teach on ponies I produced, against some of the top riders in the country. My best horse was for free. My most promising youngster should have been dead twice over by now. Our yard has faced outbreaks and financial crisis and more drama in a year than some yards deal with in a lifetime and we’re still here, nineteen-year-old wet-behind-the-ears manager and all.
And I’m so excited to go do that.
God’s will be done. Glory to the King.
Riding on Water 
You can also think about the kinder people in the crowd who’ve had similar experiences, who are probably thinking, “I remember when I had a young horse/inexperienced show kids/was just starting out” and how they’ll sympathize and understand what you’re going through. There are plenty of judge-y people out there, but I like to think there are more kind ones.
Such an amazing response!
Firn, I am so pleased that my kid and her horse are in your team. You inspire confidence in her,.God, through you,. has given her the break into the horsey world that I never believed possible.
To fully appreciate the changes you have brought to some truly crazy horses, through your training; one had to be there in the beginning to see just how crazy they really were.
Finally, pre show nerves are perfectly normal.
I hope that you sleep well and have a good day tomorrow.
Focus on the positive. You know why you are here and what you are doing. EVERYONE has mishaps. You can not stop people from judging, unfortunately, but that is not what you should focus on. Just focus on horse/your students/you. Trust your preparation and know that you have this. You have the best supporter of all. When things do not go as you plan, just roll with it. Stay safe and it will all be good. Most importantly, make sure your horse/your students/you have fun! I look forward to your report!
Good luck at the show!
Don’t worry about those who are concerned about saddles that aren’t pristine, or girths that don’t match110%. You dear girl, when we get down to it, are performing for an audience of One. Keep your eye on Him and hold His hand and fly!